Radical Acceptance: The Hardest (and Most Powerful) Leadership Skill
When You’re the Problem (and Why That’s a Good Thing)
Most leaders spend a lot of time trying to figure out why things aren’t working. Why is my team disengaged? Why do I feel so much resistance? Why does this all feel harder than it should?
We look outward for answers—our team, the culture, senior leadership. But the hardest (and most powerful) leadership lesson is this: sometimes, YOU are the problem.
Radical acceptance is the ability to see things as they are, without defensiveness, excuses, or self-judgment. That includes recognizing when your own mindset, behaviors, or leadership style are contributing to the challenges you face.
How I Learned This the Hard Way
I remember a time when my team felt disconnected and unmotivated. So much so they accidentally cc’d me in an email chain between 3 of them saying as much. I tried everything—meetings, incentives, pep talks—but nothing really made it click. I blamed external factors: a tough market, team chemistry, bad timing.
Then I asked myself: What if I’m the reason this isn’t working?
That question changed everything.
I realized I had been leading from self doubt and stress, not inspiration. My frustration was visible. My team could feel it. And if I didn’t believe in what we were doing, why would they?
Radical Acceptance in Action
So how do you start practicing this?
Ask the Hard Questions – How am I contributing to this problem? What am I avoiding? What do I need to take ownership for here?
Listen Without Defensiveness – Get feedback. Start with your supporters, people who care about you succeeding and aren’t afraid to tell you straight. Take it in. Expand the ring. Still not getting anywhere - try an anonymous 360 review. Make no moves until you have all the information - 1 person's opinion doesn’t make a trend.
Detach from Perfectionism – Being wrong isn’t failure—it’s progress. The best leaders are constantly evolving. Better you know now than take years to figure it out.
Radical acceptance isn’t about blame. It’s about ownership. And once you own it, you can change it.
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